The Moon

"What do you give up in order to grow?" Judith Viorst, I think, wrote this and it has stayed with me for several years, often serving as a refrain during the periods of my life where I feel static.

In my quest for a simpler way to move through the universe, I've caught glimpses of the moon and the vision has taken my breath away. Sustaining the power of these instances is a challenge and in order to do so, I must constantly remind myself of the beauty that is beyond the "barn." I get swept up in having things rather than in using them and the difference is important. The choice between accumulation and utilization determines the size of that which stands between me and what's both beautiful and free.

For me, that which is both beautiful & free is multidimensional. It includes addressing these areas:

SENTIMENTALITY: The elimination of a need or desire for sentimentality in the form of stuff: I want to focus on the making of a memory versus the token of it.

SPACE: Mise en place: I want to have everything in its place and have nothing left over. I want to know exactly what I have all the time.

CONSUMPTION: Limited consumption (in an effort to be more self-sustaining): I want to spend less time shopping-spending (and thinking about shopping-spending.) I ultimately want to shop-spend 2-4 times a year (for all regularly consumed goods) and stress less over what what my/our perceived needs are. I want to grow and preserve some of my family's food. I want to spend less time wanting and more time doing.

HOME: A vacation home: I want our home to feel like a vacation getaway. I want our space to be our sanctuary, a refuge, an escape; all that happy jazz but even more still I want to figure out what it is I'm actually paying for when we go on a vacation and figure out a way to have it, on the home front, all the time. I want our home to rejuvenate each of us. I do not want our home to merely be a storage place for goods. I want our home to be the place we each find center. I want our home to be the place where we each gather the strength and vision necessary to be responsible and innovative participants in our community.

Next post: The Here and Now (or what my barn looks like today)

The Facts

"Is it so small a thing to have enjoyed the sun, to have lived light in the spring, to have loved, to have thought, to have done, to have advanced true friends?" I just read this quote in _The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society_ and feel it resonates so deeply with where I am this very moment, especially as I reflect on space, place and time.

Here's what's true about me:

I've always been a binger and purger - of stuff. For the last few years, I manage at least 1 trip to Goodwill per month. I always feel I have too much stuff but the relief I seek from it remains elusive, no matter how much I eliminate.

I have always been an avid collector of empty vessels in hopes of finally achieving organizational nirvana.

I've bought bins, saved boxes, collected tins, and have rarely allowed any container to move into the recycling bin without first assessing it's potential as the perfect organizational device. Right now I think I am at all all time low of empty vessels (which are full of potential, of course) and I'd estimate that I have about 150 unused vessels of various sizes. They are waiting to be made into gifts, drawer dividers, keeper of seasonal items or holding cells as the case, quite shamefully, often is.

I have made a habit of organizing rather than simplifying.

I have made a habit of pursuing frugal choices instead of essential ones.

I have used "creativity" as an excuse to keep the possibly salvageable.

I have judged others critically based on the life I haven't yet truly begun to live.

I have read many articles and books about simplifying and organizing. I haven't found any single piece of information that crystallizes my bottom line in this journey. Many approaches have been useful for a spell but none has propelled me continuously.

I have studied feng shui and deem parts of it useful (for me) (note - *before* it became a pop culture sensation.)

I have confused living simply with cheap living.

I believe that the answer to a great many of my unhappinesses lies in the simplifying of my environment, for in it is my entire world.

Next post: The Moon (or what it is I hope to "see")

Suburban Simplicity

Apparently there's an old Japanese saying that goes:

My barn having burned

to the ground.

I could see the moon.

There is and there also isn't a thought provoking metaphor in these 12 words though each reading makes clear a reflection that is more than reflection.

The non metaphor seems to be: Barns, built by humans to contain their possessions and to contain that which allows us to accumulate possessions, get in the way of seeing the light that shines in the dark.

The metaphor might be: Your crap collection, material and otherwise, is big and it's limiting your sense of the world, your sense of self and the integrity that binds you. Trust that when the crap is cleared, in its place will be greatness and light. F-R-E-E greatness and light!

I haven't a barn but I do have crap. Crap as sentimentality, crap as items "just in case," crap as guilt, crap as insecurity, crap as "dreams deferred," and crap that with a makeover might someday, in the right light, possibly be non-crap.

This is my endeavor to, pardon the pun, burn that sh**.

I've decided to create a dedicated space for my journey toward a version of voluntary simplicity. The barn I need to burn was built from years of poor choice making, desperation, rationalization, greed, envy and guilt.

I have long pursued living the life that would leave "nothing left over." I am aware of some of my obstacles but others remain elusive. I hope that by documenting this "burning," I'll see not only what I couldn't before but release some of the burdens that have kept me from being free.

Next post: The Facts